Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Closing my eyes

At my age- 68.. I should be enjoying the world on a whirlwind tour with my darling wife (though I would never dare to call her "darling" to her face - I am not going to be like the younger generation who carelessly toss around terms of endearments) who has been such a great supporter of my life, work and .... just being my great supporter. But sigh! I am stuck in a hospital in Melaka .. why? Pneumonia. Can you actually believe that you can contract pneumonia in an Equatorial country like Malaysia?

Enough said... one of my lungs collapsed last night. I find it hard to breathe and what is worse..hard to have coherent thoughts. My life flashes past me. I had the most beautiful glimpses of seeing my bride's radiant face beaming at me, our first child.. and the others that soon followed.. what a wonder to be able to hold them and have my heart almost bursting with joy of being a father. I hope that I had stood by all of them through their lives and shown a good example. *Pause*....I see my younger days when I was running bare foot in my kampung.. ah those were the days.

*Sharp pain* I am jolted from my memories to see my family crowding round me. Their heads were bent in silent prayers. I know that they are praying for my recovery. But I know better.... I know that it's time to go. I am just hanging on to see my youngest daughter who has yet to arrive from Hong Kong. I told Jesus that if He would allow me to see her, I would be ready to go home to Him. I wondered all the years that I never believed in God.... what wasted years.. I could have done so much more. But I have a feeling that actually my life's work is done. I raised a beautiful family, did my share in this world and at last am going home to the one who has rescued my soul from eternal separation with God. Though I am sad that I have to leave them but since knowing God, I am relieved to know that they are in His hands.. what a comfort, I cannot ask for more security than this.

Ah, Friday - my dearest child is finally by my side.. I see her hopeful face and felt strength returning to this tired body. I am happy.. finally able to see all of my precious children. Just for a few days, I am fed by the happy hormones that my body is producing. I know she will leave on Monday.. I will have enough to last until then. My thoughts are really fuzzy now. All the sedatives are keeping me really sleepy.

On Sunday evening, I awoke from my fuzzy slumber. Someone else was in the room. I see a white figure approaching my bed. He was smiling at me. A flash of recognition. This is the one whom I have surrendered my life to. I acknowledged him by raising my hand to welcome him. He raised his eyebrows in question. My heart responded, "Yes Lord.. it's time for me to follow you".

I felt a lightening sensation in my spirit as the hours passed. I floated above my physical body and my eyes roamed to see all my family, yet there was no more feeling of regret or loss. I closed my eyes.. feeling a surge upwards.. I am going home.

Written in memory of WS's father whose spirit left his physical body to be in eternal life on 27 March 2006


Phoenix Heart said...

Dedicated to our friend, WS, ya?

Nice write-up :)

Mia said...

Yes.. I thought I might try to imagine how her dad would feel in his last moments. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

ws said...

Thanks Ame. I have faith that he is with the Lord now and he's free!

May he rest in peace.