Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Closing my eyes

At my age- 68.. I should be enjoying the world on a whirlwind tour with my darling wife (though I would never dare to call her "darling" to her face - I am not going to be like the younger generation who carelessly toss around terms of endearments) who has been such a great supporter of my life, work and .... just being my great supporter. But sigh! I am stuck in a hospital in Melaka .. why? Pneumonia. Can you actually believe that you can contract pneumonia in an Equatorial country like Malaysia?

Enough said... one of my lungs collapsed last night. I find it hard to breathe and what is worse..hard to have coherent thoughts. My life flashes past me. I had the most beautiful glimpses of seeing my bride's radiant face beaming at me, our first child.. and the others that soon followed.. what a wonder to be able to hold them and have my heart almost bursting with joy of being a father. I hope that I had stood by all of them through their lives and shown a good example. *Pause*....I see my younger days when I was running bare foot in my kampung.. ah those were the days.

*Sharp pain* I am jolted from my memories to see my family crowding round me. Their heads were bent in silent prayers. I know that they are praying for my recovery. But I know better.... I know that it's time to go. I am just hanging on to see my youngest daughter who has yet to arrive from Hong Kong. I told Jesus that if He would allow me to see her, I would be ready to go home to Him. I wondered all the years that I never believed in God.... what wasted years.. I could have done so much more. But I have a feeling that actually my life's work is done. I raised a beautiful family, did my share in this world and at last am going home to the one who has rescued my soul from eternal separation with God. Though I am sad that I have to leave them but since knowing God, I am relieved to know that they are in His hands.. what a comfort, I cannot ask for more security than this.

Ah, Friday - my dearest child is finally by my side.. I see her hopeful face and felt strength returning to this tired body. I am happy.. finally able to see all of my precious children. Just for a few days, I am fed by the happy hormones that my body is producing. I know she will leave on Monday.. I will have enough to last until then. My thoughts are really fuzzy now. All the sedatives are keeping me really sleepy.

On Sunday evening, I awoke from my fuzzy slumber. Someone else was in the room. I see a white figure approaching my bed. He was smiling at me. A flash of recognition. This is the one whom I have surrendered my life to. I acknowledged him by raising my hand to welcome him. He raised his eyebrows in question. My heart responded, "Yes Lord.. it's time for me to follow you".

I felt a lightening sensation in my spirit as the hours passed. I floated above my physical body and my eyes roamed to see all my family, yet there was no more feeling of regret or loss. I closed my eyes.. feeling a surge upwards.. I am going home.

Written in memory of WS's father whose spirit left his physical body to be in eternal life on 27 March 2006

3 comments:

Phoenix Heart said...

Dedicated to our friend, WS, ya?

Nice write-up :)

Mia said...

Yes.. I thought I might try to imagine how her dad would feel in his last moments. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

ws said...

Thanks Ame. I have faith that he is with the Lord now and he's free!

May he rest in peace.